Why Friendship Still Falls Outside America’s Legal Family System

WASHINGTON — The percentage of Americans reporting no close friends quadrupled from 3% in 1990 to 12% in 2021, according to a Survey Center on American Life survey. Sociologists suggest that limited institutional support for friendships, including the inability to place a friend on an employer-sponsored health insurance policy or take family leave to care for a sick friend, further isolates people who do not follow the traditional path of romantic marriage.

At the same time, an increasing number of adults are seeking long-term, committed partnerships with platonic friends. These arrangements, known as “platonic life partnerships,” can involve cohabiting, buying homes, sharing finances, and raising children together without a romantic or sexual bond.

The household landscape has changed sharply over the past several decades. U.S. Census Bureau data shows that married couples accounted for nearly 75% of all U.S. households in 1960, but just under 47% in 2023. Single-person households rose from 13% in 1960 to approximately 29% today.

The median age for first marriages has also reached historic highs: approximately 30.2 years for men and 28.1 years for women, compared with 22.8 and 20.3, respectively, in 1960. As marriage rates decline and people remain unmarried longer, researchers have documented the rise of platonic life partnerships.

Despite these demographic shifts, American social and legal structures continue to position romantic marriage as the primary foundation for building a life. Philosophers and sociologists describe this framework as “amatonormativity,” or the societal assumption that a romantic, monogamous relationship is the norm and should be prioritized over other relationship types.

A landmark report by the U.S. Government Accountability Office previously identified more than 1,100 federal statutory provisions in which marital status determines benefits, rights, and privileges. The provisions include Social Security survivor benefits, joint tax filing, immigration sponsorship, and military family housing. None of these federal protections currently extends to platonic partnerships, regardless of the relationship’s duration or the partners’ level of financial interdependence.

Healthcare emergencies create another legal divide. In most states, when someone is incapacitated, hospitals automatically grant medical decision-making authority to immediate biological family members or a legal spouse. A platonic partner seeking the same visitation rights and medical decision-making power must proactively complete complex legal documents, including a durable power of attorney for healthcare and living wills.

Without those explicit designations, long-term friends can be legally barred from hospital rooms during emergencies. Municipalities have expanded some domestic partnership registries to provide non-romantic partners with access to certain local benefits, but federal recognition remains unchanged.

Property ownership presents a separate set of risks. Married couples typically hold real estate as “tenants by the entirety” or “joint tenants with right of survivorship.” When one spouse dies, ownership automatically transfers to the survivor, often with favorable tax treatment.

Platonic friends who buy property together may instead need to use “tenancy in common.” If one co-owner dies without a meticulous estate plan, that person’s share can legally pass to biological next of kin rather than the friend who co-owns the home and shares the mortgage.

Legal experts advise platonic cohabitants to draft private cohabitation agreements to reduce that risk. These agreements function similarly to prenuptial agreements, but establishing them requires significant out-of-pocket legal fees.

Individuals attempting to build their lives around friendship therefore face systemic legal, financial, and cultural barriers that do not apply to married couples. As demographic trends point toward a continued rise in unmarried and single-person households, family law advocates suggest that pressure may build on policymakers to reform tax, healthcare, and property laws to accommodate the diverse ways modern Americans are choosing to define family.